반말 vs 존댓말: Casual vs Polite Korean Speech
10-Second Answer
존댓말 (jondaemal) is polite speech — the safe default with strangers, elders, and anyone you don't know well. 반말 (banmal) is casual speech — for close friends, younger people, and family you're informal with. Switching from 존댓말 to 반말 with someone is actually a relationship milestone, not just a grammar choice.
Side by Side
| 존댓말 (polite) | 반말 (casual) | |
|---|---|---|
| Are you a student? | 학생이에요? | 학생이야? |
| I ate. | 먹었어요. | 먹었어. |
| Thanks. | 고마워요. | 고마워. |
| Sorry. | 미안해요. | 미안해. |
Notice the pattern: 존댓말 usually adds 요 (or a formal ending) that 반말 drops. That 요 is doing enormous social work in one syllable.
Who Gets Which?
| Situation | Use |
|---|---|
| Meeting someone new | 존댓말 — always start here |
| Strangers, service staff, coworkers (usually) | 존댓말 |
| Anyone older, even by a little | 존댓말 (until invited to drop it) |
| Close friends your age | 반말 — once established |
| Someone younger who's close to you | 반말 |
Asking to Switch: 말 놓다
Because switching to 반말 signals real closeness, Koreans often explicitly negotiate it rather than assume:
우리 말 놓을까?
uri mal noeulkka?
Should we drop the formalities?
Literally: Shall we 'put down' our speech (level)?
말 편하게 하세요.
mal pyeonhage haseyo.
Feel free to speak casually with me.
Often said by the OLDER person, giving permission — the younger person still may not switch fully.
Even after "말 놓자," it's common for only the older person to go fully casual while the younger person eases in more gradually — the age hierarchy doesn't fully disappear.
Age Is Central to the Whole System
This is why Koreans ask your age soon after meeting you — it isn't nosiness, it's a required input. Without knowing relative age, neither person knows which speech level, which pronoun-substitutes (오빠/형/누나/언니), or which verb endings to use. Age sets the entire conversational grammar.
Common Mistakes
Mistake #1 — Starting in 반말 to seem friendly
It usually reads as presumptuous, not warm. Start polite; let closeness (or an explicit invitation) bring the switch.
Mistake #2 — Thinking 반말 is 'bad Korean'
It's not simplified or broken Korean — it's a full, correct register with its own grammar. Dramas and K-pop lyrics are full of it because it's the language of intimacy.
Mistake #3 — Assuming one switch covers everything
You might use 반말 with someone's speech but still add 요 in front of their parents. Register can shift by situation, not just by person.
Mini Quiz
1. You just met someone at a language exchange. What do you default to?
2. What does 우리 말 놓을까? propose?
3. Why do Koreans often ask your age soon after meeting?
Related Knowledge
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You now know age drives speech level — see exactly how Korean age is counted and why it matters so much.
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Start today's study →Last updated: 2026-08-10 · Written and reviewed by a native Korean speaker.